Our Diaries

 Dear Eri, tmr is your half birthday. We’ew still looking for an apartment it’s very difficult to find a good apartment here because I don’t have a stable job and I’m really worried about it, not  only me but also your mom. Last night I visited a very great apartment I don’t know how everything goes I hope we can get it and it’s a very good one but honestly I’m really worried.  If it was me alone here I didn’t have that much concern but since you are here and I do care about you I’m really worried and also stressful I hope everything goes well.  Now we all are in a park, the park that’s for a new year I came here and I wished that I can see you all here soon anyway you are here now but I’m looking for a grate apartment  for you so we can stay together and be happy.  We don’t have that much time just two weeks until we can find an apartment. Being responsible as a dad it’s not easy.  I just came here to the park to talk to the river to talk to the water...

 If you've been through something, that doesn't mean that your kids or that everybody else has to go through the same thing that you've been through.  I know that it's my responsibility and my duty to break that cycle. 

 I know that the ones who love us, will miss us. 

 You love Peppapig,  I bought this for you. I hope you come here soon. It's more than 14 months that I haven't seen you. 

This year is going to be a very great year, I have so many goals to achieve.  Let’s say we have so many goals to fulfill for this year We really want a lot from this year we really expect so much from this year. I’m just sitting on the bank of the river next to the water and enjoying listening to the sound of water. I wanna say to the water all of my dreams , all of the goals. Hey, water listen to me carefully you should carry this message to the universe and tell the universe the things that I want the things that we want for this new year. Hey, water listen to me, first and foremost health and happiness. Hey, universe listen to me I’m talking to you, the most important thing is health and happiness. I want health and happiness For my family for myself for Nikoo and for Erika for Agha for my mom and dad and for my good friends.  Next: This year I will work very hard in order to do my thesis and graduate from the University and to study very hard for this course that I’m takin...

Empty your mind Be formless  Be shapeless  Like water When you put water into a cup It becomes the cup You put water into a bottle  It becomes the bottle  You put it in a teapot It becomes the teapot Water it can flow or it can crash Be water 

 Where are you now? I’m breathing alive.  I’m faded. When I was working in Zhengzhou as an university lecturer every time my driver Tony was playing this song in the his car. On both ways from my home to Shenzhen airport on Mondays morning and from Shenzhen airport to home every Tuesday night. 

 Today is Nikki’s birthday. We are far far from each other. This is the second birthday that we are not with each other. The first one was in 2013 that I came to Italy for the first time. 

 Today I used a crazy app that is changing my picture with different ages or gender. Here are the results. Maybe Erika in 18 years would look like this. 😆

 You look like Italian peasants 😅             

Every day I am applying for jobs here in Europe. Today I got informed about that I got rejected for two job positions. Like always.  I feel that I am really tired and hopeless. 3 months away from you two and still nothing special is happening. Just I passed some exam and I am just hopeful to graduate asap.   

 I watch the "In Bruges" movie today.  It was a nice movie. I liked it.  Nice quotes in the movie:  The things you're taught as a child, they never really leave you, do they?"  -What am I gonna do, ken?  - Just keep moving. Try no to think about it.   

 Sometimes I have a dread of the challenges that I have to face. Life is just challenge. One after another. So we have to face our challenges and be ready for them. Another Friday night here in Torino, Italy alone.

I am very happy now,  because my academic advisor approved my request for modifying my personal study plan for the university, so I changed my last course - that it's professor was so crazy-  with a better course and easier one. I was so worried about this and finally it's done.  My Italian friend really helped me a lot about this. I owe him so much.  :)  Very happy now ;)

Quando si chiude una porta si apre un portone.  As one door shuts, another doors open.   خدا گر ز حکمت ببند دری/ ز رحمت گشاید در دیگیری

 If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present. I know it’s not easy. That's the thing about life. A lot of the time, it isn't easy at all. We just have to try to make the best of it. So I am trying to make the best of it. 

 Today is Saturday. Another weekend without you two alone in Italia.  I am reading a book titled “factfulness” a book that is telling the world is getting a better place to live everyday.  The world is getting better and better than yesterday. If you compare your life with 20 years before, you’ll see that everything has improved and that’s really true.  In the book, It was mentioned The year 1960 and I was reading the history in 1960.  That year in the history I think was a very strange year. It was the rat year in chinese zodiac. 15 to 40 million people starved to death in China.

 I did the Digital Control test today morning finally and it wasn't bad at all. I hope I can get more than 25 out of 30.  Always taking exams and taking tests make me stressful. But when you do you exam well enough you feel better after exam.  I am tired but I am ok. Anyway I am sure that I will pass this exam.  I have just one more exam and my thesis to graduate. COME ON! 

 Finally university accepted my request.  2020 was supposed to be my last enrollment year , but due to COVID-19 I could ask for another chance.  I am quite happy actually. It’s a long time I am studying for this master in Turin. Since we went to China for working and I was really working hard I couldn’t have time to study well.  Now I am jobless and I can devote whole my time for studying and passing one exam and also do my thesis.  8 is the lucky number in China. And this year is the 8th year that I am enrolling.  So good Luck to me :) 

These days really we are struggling with so many troubles. Me here alone and worried about my exam and my major, Erika and Nikki far from me in I r an.  We are really tired. Feeling like a loser ... Your mom just texted me.