Our Diaries

Empty your mind Be formless  Be shapeless  Like water When you put water into a cup It becomes the cup You put water into a bottle  It becomes the bottle  You put it in a teapot It becomes the teapot Water it can flow or it can crash Be water 

 Where are you now? I’m breathing alive.  I’m faded. When I was working in Zhengzhou as an university lecturer every time my driver Tony was playing this song in the his car. On both ways from my home to Shenzhen airport on Mondays morning and from Shenzhen airport to home every Tuesday night. 

 Today is Nikki’s birthday. We are far far from each other. This is the second birthday that we are not with each other. The first one was in 2013 that I came to Italy for the first time. 

 Today I used a crazy app that is changing my picture with different ages or gender. Here are the results. Maybe Erika in 18 years would look like this. 😆

 You look like Italian peasants 😅             

Every day I am applying for jobs here in Europe. Today I got informed about that I got rejected for two job positions. Like always.  I feel that I am really tired and hopeless. 3 months away from you two and still nothing special is happening. Just I passed some exam and I am just hopeful to graduate asap.   

 I watch the "In Bruges" movie today.  It was a nice movie. I liked it.  Nice quotes in the movie:  The things you're taught as a child, they never really leave you, do they?"  -What am I gonna do, ken?  - Just keep moving. Try no to think about it.   

 Sometimes I have a dread of the challenges that I have to face. Life is just challenge. One after another. So we have to face our challenges and be ready for them. Another Friday night here in Torino, Italy alone.

I am very happy now,  because my academic advisor approved my request for modifying my personal study plan for the university, so I changed my last course - that it's professor was so crazy-  with a better course and easier one. I was so worried about this and finally it's done.  My Italian friend really helped me a lot about this. I owe him so much.  :)  Very happy now ;)

Quando si chiude una porta si apre un portone.  As one door shuts, another doors open.   خدا گر ز حکمت ببند دری/ ز رحمت گشاید در دیگیری

 If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present. I know it’s not easy. That's the thing about life. A lot of the time, it isn't easy at all. We just have to try to make the best of it. So I am trying to make the best of it. 

 Today is Saturday. Another weekend without you two alone in Italia.  I am reading a book titled “factfulness” a book that is telling the world is getting a better place to live everyday.  The world is getting better and better than yesterday. If you compare your life with 20 years before, you’ll see that everything has improved and that’s really true.  In the book, It was mentioned The year 1960 and I was reading the history in 1960.  That year in the history I think was a very strange year. It was the rat year in chinese zodiac. 15 to 40 million people starved to death in China.

 I did the Digital Control test today morning finally and it wasn't bad at all. I hope I can get more than 25 out of 30.  Always taking exams and taking tests make me stressful. But when you do you exam well enough you feel better after exam.  I am tired but I am ok. Anyway I am sure that I will pass this exam.  I have just one more exam and my thesis to graduate. COME ON! 

 Finally university accepted my request.  2020 was supposed to be my last enrollment year , but due to COVID-19 I could ask for another chance.  I am quite happy actually. It’s a long time I am studying for this master in Turin. Since we went to China for working and I was really working hard I couldn’t have time to study well.  Now I am jobless and I can devote whole my time for studying and passing one exam and also do my thesis.  8 is the lucky number in China. And this year is the 8th year that I am enrolling.  So good Luck to me :) 

These days really we are struggling with so many troubles. Me here alone and worried about my exam and my major, Erika and Nikki far from me in I r an.  We are really tired. Feeling like a loser ... Your mom just texted me.

 Se tutto fosse perfetto, non impararesti mai e non cresceresti mai.   Buona giornata 😊

 It’s almost 1.5 months that I haven’t seen Erika. Here in Italy I am struggling with so many troubles. I have to take two exam. One in September 10th another one September 11th. I am almost ready for the first exam. But the second one no.  Anyway I am not fine. My mind is very tired.  Remember:  It's OK to feel lost. It's normal to feel sad, angry, confused, scared — you name it. It's important, though, that you don't judge yourself for having these feelings. Try to notice them, but don't label them as "good" or "bad".